The Group

The power of the human mind is absolutely astounding. We have the power within us to overcome any obstacles and push ourselves beyond the limits anyone else might have set for us. We also have the power to limit our capacity and put ourselves in boxes that feel impossible to get out off.

One thing I spent a lot of time thinking about today  is the power of the group mentality.

As humans we are apart of many groups, families, friends, Texans, blondes, tall, short, young, old, blogger, one without internet, recyclopath, litterer.
 I mean even within the group: friends you have countless subgroups. You have: peers, aqquaintances, facebook friends, school friends, work friends, facebook friends, best friends, best friends for now friends, people who want to be your friend, oh and lets not forget one of the most important ones- people who you want to be your friend.
Middle school is when these groups not just become clear but become very very real to the students. Their minds are spinning where that last group (the dream friends aka the popular crowd) is the absolute only thing that matters. Peer judgement and criticism (real or imagined) is a daily war.

My own sixth grade experience with the popular crowd was completely traumatic. One day I was her best friend, the next day I wasn't cool enough. A simple enough story, but even to this day I have almost no memory of my sixth grade year. It was all a blur and I was upset most of the time following being ditched. I to this day have trust issues when creating friendships. Although this obsession with popularity can seem trivial, it is something that is important to a developing adolescent mind, and needs to be treated with that level of importance.

It's easy with such a perceived close knit group to develop that group mentality, they follow the leaders of the pack- the ones who may or may not be leading in a positive way unfortunately. It is often hard to remember that a group mentality does not define a person. Although the quote "actions speak louder than words" is easy to throw around, it's incredibly hard to live up to in daily life.
The mix of a negative environment and negative leaders controlling the group mentality creates chaos and makes an effective learning space incredibly difficult to achieve.
Often students with no prior history of acting up will fall into the pressures of this environment and resort to drastic uncharacteristic measures.

Now, I am not trying to assert that these students have no control over their actions- I am just pointing out that these pressures often seem insurmountable to our students, and this as we age is easy to forget.
Probably the most wonderful thing City Year has to offer is the power of the near peer relationship. We remember what it felt like to be that age and be that insecure. As we grow older it becomes easier to forget the susceptibility we had back when we were growing into our skin.
Probably the second most wonderful thing City Year brings to the table is the idealistic group mentality. Even though day by day we see students who are on their way to dropping out, a school system that seems set up to fail, and other roadblocks in our journey to success, we continue getting up everyday putting on these wonderful timb boots and having the mindset that one person can change the world.

Daily Hero: Meghna, for giving me wonderful debrief during car-poo-l.

PS. Why do I have my most deep thoughts about life after working out in my Timbs?

Mr. Z

Sooo... he didn't punch me in the face today.
Instead this 14 year old boy, who thinks of himself as a 14 year old man, was attempting to jump through the cracks that most students slip into due to some flaw in a failing school system.
Sooo... he didn't punch me in the face today.
Sure, I pushed him, I wanted him to know that another one of us was not going to give up on him. I was not simply going to hand him a noose and remove myself.
Sooo... he didn't punch me in the face today.
He stormed back and forth, flinging out his limbs to hit anything he could in an effort to numb these external sensations, these burdening situations.
Sooo... he didn't punch me in the face today.
I felt my cheeks heating up and my skin changing color as it tends to do when I am anything but sleeping, as he ordered me to "get the FUCK out of his way". As he told me, "the only other person in the world (he) wouldn't be beating the SHIT out of right now is (his) mom".
Sooo... he didn't punch me in the face today.
I disconnected. I couldn't handle it. I'm too young. I don't know how to deal. I don't know how to expect him to deal. I kind of wish he did punch me in the face. I wish I could understand the complexities.
Sooo... he didn't punch me in the face today.
But if not me, who?
Sooo... he didn't punch me in the face today.
On this kid's roller coaster ride, I'm now more than ever securely strapped in. Maybe not, front-most, center-most, but watching his back from the last row. Keeping him as safe as I can without pushing us both off of the tracks.
Sooo... he didn't punch me in the face today.
But tomorrow.

Daily Hero: my amazing wonderful intuitive school team. 

Investment

$1 in the bank
New tires on a car
An extra stamp on a maybe too heavy package
Shoelaces tied
A hand held when crossing the street
A pencil sharpened
A promise of a safe weekend
A seed or a root?
If we invest so much, what's left?

Daily Hero: Those who give 110%

Sunshine and Cloud

Sunshines: 

A usually very outrageously loud student stood quiet for 20 minutes for just one edemame.
-the joy of the little things in life

A student wanted to clarify with me this morning. He had heard another CY member calling him "Sarah's kid". I said, "Yes, that's right". I see these students as mine. If you hurt any of them, I will go all Mama Bear on you.
-the joy of how quickly us humans can form incredible bonds/how much I absolutely love my kids

I made 500+ copies today...
-the joy of being able to fully take advantage of all resources at your disposal to help others

A lot of my students have incredibly dismal grades on their soon to be progress reports because of lots of missing assignments, I photocopied all 50-60 of my students missing assignments and made them little packets of all work needed to be turned in. By the end of the day, three of them were completely caught up.
-the joy of hard work on several ends, a hard working sandwich 

We had a Social Justice meeting today with about 25 CY members.
-the joy of discussions that are banned from the dinner table, but are much enjoyed by individuals out to change the world

My TL got into college!
-the joy of securing a future

Clouds: 
Some students misbehaved in one of our spaces, causing us to lose the space for future tutoring. 
-the sadness of a taken away opportunity
-the joy of being able to have the opportunity to be more creative in the future with our spaces 

Thinking of the future for our children, how many of them will become statistics, this one with 10 kids, this one in jail, this one lost to the street cracks, this one...
-the sadness of a harsh reality
-the joy of having the power to change even just one
-the sadness that I have more than one I need to help
-the joy of never being bored at work and loving my job and believing the best for all of my kids, if they believe in themselves even half as much as I do, they'll all be fine

Hero of the day:
All those who have faced circumstances that seemed impossible and managed to overcome overwhelming obstacles to create a brighter future.

Daily Schedule Monday-Thursday

4:45 Wake Up
5-6: Gym
6-6:45: Shower, make breakfast of eggs, veggie patties, and granola/yogurt (breakfast is the most important meal of the day), get on the road (usually carpool)
6:45-7:25ish: Commute
7:30: Arrive at School
8-8:45: Hunt down students and make sure they have done their homework from the night before, carry around photo copies of homework and extra pencils
8:45-9:30: Off period, usually working on other CY things, such as grant proposals, volunteer phone calls or inkinding
9:30-12:33: In class, working with students, tutoring them in math and doing plenty of behavior management and role modeling, I always make sure to have tons of extra sharpened pencils. I've started having students trade me. If I give them a pencil they have to give me something in return and at the end of the period we trade back. The things they give me vary from an inhaler, to a quarter, to a love note from their crush.
12:33-1:03: Lunch! Two days out of the week I have a behavior lunch club that meets and we talk about what it means to be a leader. The other days I either work on more CY stuff in our classroom or go around and make sure the kids from my afternoon classes have done their homework, once again, I make sure to carry around plenty of photocopies. Usually I don't have much time to eat so I end up eating most of my lunch during after school.
1:03-3:45 In class, see above.
3:45-4:00: About to transition into afterschool, usually I meet with one of the two teachers I work with and do a debrief about the day, I also do any last minute photo copying of worksheets or homework for students.
4:00-6:00: Afterschool program. I tutor a group of students, the group ranges between 3-17 students depending on how many show up. We also sometimes do clubs, sports club, art club and music/dance club. We also sometimes lead lesson plans to expose our students to something outside their regular world. Afterschool can be really hectic, and however it goes drastically affects how I view the entirety of my day.
6:00-6:30: Wait for all students to be picked up from afterschool
6:30: Final circle or two days a week head up to the classroom for a long meeting or inputting data. I either then head home or go back to the CY office to do committee work for either Recruitment or one of our other upcoming events.

Daily Hero: Those who work a 12+ hour day at a job they don't love with a family at home.